Incurable
by blushifted
Summary: Their dance is slow, around each other, and never touching. Her best friend–her first friend–means so much to her, but she can't say the words that are begging to be said. She can't ease her loneliness. Fire Emblem AU.


Eli called these plains, trodden by many caravans and travelers and hooves, as much a home as her birth city. The solitude provided a stark contrast from the busy life of the port. As an initiate, she'd been forced to train in these fields for endless hours, parrying training sword after training sword, striking dummies blow after blow. Most importantly, she met her dear friend of five years just beyond the clearing, in a small shack on the outskirts of the forest. The very same friend Eli was on her way to meet.

After splitting off from the usual trail that would take her to the border, she could only hear the clomping of dirt. She longed to hear her friend's voice—just once more, before the call to arms would send her away to the border. It wasn't the first time her occupation had taken her elsewhere, and it certainly wouldn't be the last; the two of them knew well that her duties took priority over everything else.

("You know, Elicchi…"

"Hm?"

"I've started to notice. You talk about your soldierslike they're your children."

"Huh? I didn't think I do… Is that a bad thing?"

"Hehe, you're like a papa.")

Though her visits were scarce and far between, the lapses in time left each other with more stories to tell of their time apart and a sweeter encounter the next time they'd meet. While Eli's little sister, Alisa, had their grandmother to take care of her, Nozomi had no one. Her secret life on the edge of the plains kept her far removed from the nearest village, let alone Eli's city. The trip from the capital to her small section of the woods was an estimated one and a half days trek, though thankfully mostly over flat ground; and, with a trail to follow to about three-quarters of the way, it usually took even less time than that. She could never send a letter ahead of time to let Nozomi know she was coming by since Nozomi refused to let her location be known to the public, aside from the fact that giving directions to a house in the middle of the woods would be difficult for a courier to follow. Still, it allowed Eli to surprise her on multiple occasions.

Every so often, she stopped and dismounted to rest under the guise of picking flowers—or perhaps it was the opposite. By the time she'd neared the forest edge, she held five stringy golden wildflowers with petals so soft they'd break off when the wind blew too hard. She covered them with her clanking armor and, for some reason, smiled dorkishly to herself. She twirled the flowers between her forefinger and thumb, and several more petals blew off.

A familiar overhanging branch seemed to contract at her approach. The next phase of the journey would have to be on foot. She dismounted, patted her horse's neck, and lifted the branch obscuring the rest of the trail with her free hand. The heel of her foot embedded in the roots of the forest floor, she flung herself over. The branch she'd been holding snapped behind her. From here, it would not be much farther.

Old folk legends said the forest was alive—not the trees, animals, and insects that make it up, but the forest itself. Eli wasn't sure whether to believe in such a fairytale, but Nozomi cryptically said that it was a "half-truth," whatever _that_ meant. She claimed spiritual energy dominated the forest, and that this energy drew her to stay when her nomadic parents decided to move on. Eli couldn't sense anything, but perhaps that was because she wasn't a mage like Nozomi—or a witch, as even older legends like to call those with magical abilities unbound by staves and tomes. Despite the ominous tales, and though the forest loomed over her, she never felt threatened.

(She remembered. Remembered overhearing a conversation in the barracks.

"You know, they say if you go into those woods, you'll die of loneliness."

"What are you saying? You can't die of loneliness."

"Yeah, you can. It's just like an illness.")

Nozomi's house seemed less of an eyesore in the middle of the woods and more like it had been there since the forest first grew; although the hut itself was only seven years old, the wood and slab it was made of was far older, and it showed in its creaking floorboards. Vines hung over its roof, as though the forest had accepted it. As she walked up the porch, she remembered the wildflowers in her hands, unable to feel them through the gauntlets. She chewed on her lip and stood motionless, glancing between the door and her flowers. She held onto them with two hands tightly. Her heavy breath clumsily blew more of its petals to her boots.

( _No, no, there's no point._ )

Eyes narrowed, she tossed the flowers to the side and knocked on the door, ignoring how they fell dejectedly into a nearby shrub.

From inside, not two seconds later, came a rasped, obviously faked voice. "Ohohoho. Travelers beware! This is no place of rest for you. Should you refuse to turn back now, I may let you boil in my cauldron as a toad."

"Nozomi!"

Then, she heard choked laughter from behind the door. Soon after, it opened, and Nozomi, clad in her usual purple robes, stood with her hair falling in a loose braid over her shoulder. She tucked a strand of intrusive hair that had fallen out of her braid behind her ear. "Sorry, sorry, I just had to have a little fun. Come in."

It was less of a command and more of a polite gesture. Eli dipped her head and stepped inside, using the doorknob as a hold and freeing her boots from the leaves littering the ground. Though the rest of the forest was colder due to a lack of sunlight, Nozomi's home was warm—or at least, it always felt so. She hugged her friend tightly, then took a seat at the table in her usual spotand waited for Nozomi, who had gone to the kitchen to get their usual snack. When she returned, she carried with her a plate of baked cookies and a teapot. The familiar smell of herbs and chocolate wafted in her two-room house.

"It's rare for you to visit me in your armor..." Nozomi's lips pursed. "Are you leaving soon?"

Eli smiled sheepishly, taking a cookie. "You're observant, as always. I couldn't get anything past you if I tried, or wanted to." Her gaze lowered, as if she dreadedthe next words. "Yes, though. I have to head back immediately and prepare everyone to leave before dusk tomorrow. The captain wants us to meet the bandits before they have a chance to hit the border towns."

Her smile never faltering, Nozomi nodded. "Of course. Elicchi has been helping so many people... It makes me happy. Oh, here." She stood abruptly from the table and reached for a nearby shelf, taking some bottles in her arms. For each one she took, she stuck them in a basket on the dresser underneath, and then finally placed it on the table in front of Eli. "I made some more vulneraries for your squad. Be sure to take care of yourself, okay? And here's some for the apothecary—" she gestured to one half of the basket, "—and these are for whoever needs it most."

Eli laughed. "I'm sure the Nishikinos will appreciate it, but I don't know if Titania can carry all of this on top of her armor. You're too kind, Nozomi." Her lips thinned for a moment. "You should come and give these to them yourself, one day."

Nozomi shook her head. "That's okay. You're all they need, Elicchi."

"Nozomi..."

"You'll come to visit me again when you get back, right?"

"Of course I will!"

"Then it's fine. Do you still dance?"

Eli conceded to her topic change. With so much happening between their meetings, they frequently jumped from one topic to another. "Yeah. I think I've been getting better." She gestured to the rest of her appearance from the shoulders down. "I'd show you right now if I could, but dancing in armor is a little hard."

"Hm... I don't know. It doesn't seem that difficult." Slyly, she leaned forward, somewhat awkwardly for her chest size, and crossed her arms over the table.

"Well, then why don't you try wearing a breastplate this heavy?"

Nozomi put a finger to her lips in thought, her eyes glancing downwards. Eli tried to follow her gaze, but couldn't quite figure out what she was looking at.

Rearing her head up, Nozomi shrugged. "I don't think they'd fit," she finally said, grinning to herself. Eli flushed when she realized what she was talking about.

"H-hey, even I have to bind," Eli added sheepishly. She cleared her throat while Nozomi giggled and looked elsewhere.

"I've seen you without your armor," Nozomi agreed and winked, threading her fingers together in an arch. "You know I'm only teasing."

Eli shook her head and laughed.

Being with Nozomi felt so natural, like she was always meant to be here, talking with her—Nozomi used to joke about their friendship being fated. Sometimes, they never even had to talk about _anything_. Merely being with Nozomi was Eli's favorite way to pass the day, including even the ride there.

"Enough about me, though. What about you? How's your research going?"

She paused to take a sip of her tea, and Eli waited impatiently. And even as she set her cup down, it was a few seconds before she finally spoke again.

"As you can see," she looked over her shoulder at the window sill—and at the wilting potted plant that, despite being drenched in sunlight, refused to heal, "I've made little progress since the last time you came. It turns out plant reanimation is a little more difficult than that." She stood up and walked the two steps to the desk near the plant, and from it took a leather-bound journal. "I'm able to heal plants perfectly well, but reanimating them from death? Well, it's easier said than done."

Nozomi opened the journal for Eli to take a peek through. "But the results of this could help to cure common illnesses, at the very least. And maybe even more than that. It could cure genetic disorders, or terminal illnesses, or maybe even death itself. I've been using a Nosferatu tome to see if it's possible to reverse the spell and give life instead of take it; the enthused life could then, perhaps, be enough to breathe life into something—say a dead plant—without taking all of another living being's energy. If this is true, then maybe the energy of one small living thing could revive an entire harvest."

Eli's eyes drifted over the pages in silence, for the moment. When she next looked up, the smile she'd acquired since listening to Nozomi had pulled into a frown. "Just be careful, okay? I know you don't use tomes or staves normally, and it can take a toll on your health." She glanced at the tome on the desk. "Using your own life energy for dark—I mean, elder magic—it's kind of reckless. Some days, you look even more fatigued than the last time I saw you."

Nozomi took in her words—or at least, Eli thought so, with how her eyes seemed to glaze over the swirling hot tea in her hands. Nozomi was her best friend (read: more than that; perhaps an understatement; she meant far more to her than words could explain, etc.)—but sometimes... sometimes it was hard to read her. She wondered if she knew Nozomi as well as she thought she did—or would have liked to know.

Her words came softly. "It's a small sacrifice, Elicchi. The amount of work I can get done that might be able to be of use to someone someday... it's outstanding. Besides, it's in my blood. Even if I stopped practicing, the priests could always sense that part of me." She gave a soft smile, though Eli couldn't tell if it was in sadness or reassurance.

Eli stared at her hands on the table, fingers twiddling. "Sorry. I didn't come here to persuade you to stop, or anything. I'm glad you're doing what you're doing."

"Oh, I didn't take it as such. It's fine. I'm actually happy you're worrying about me."

( _She says it's fine a lot, but is it really?_ )

Eli frowned for a split second, but she quickly pulled them into a thin line and furrowed her brows—her usual "thinking too hard" face, as Nozomi had lovingly called it. She felt _there_ , but as if Nozomi was behind a glass wall. She had no doubt her smiles were genuine… but how many of them were happy smiles? Why couldn't she just say what was on her mind? What was she afraid of?

Rejection? Maybe she was simply happy having Nozomi as a friend here for her, no matter what happened. Was it worth ruining their friendship over—over her feelings?

She felt ill with worry. Eli tossed her thoughts aside, forcing herself into the present.

"I owe you, though, for helping me realize I need to take better care of myself," Nozomi added as an afterthought. Eli sighed in relief without realizing how much silence had passed them.

"I owe you a lot, too. Without you, I'm not sure I would've continued my dream of being a soldier. I probably wouldn't be where I am now. You've supported me all this time. Thank you, Nozomi."

Nozomi shook her head. "No, that was you, Elicchi. All I did was say a few words; you did everything yourself. All that training really paid off. You're a commander, now, and you have a lot of people under your command to take care of, but I know you're capable. You're Elicchi."

Eli laughed. "Nozomi, you're embarrassing me."

"But I've also seen your silly side. I didn't think Elicchi would actually try to eat the plastic fruit—"

She cleared her throat. "Okay, now you're _really_ embarrassing me."

Nozomi laughed—the most enthusiastic laugh Eli had heard in some time. She knew, in that moment, that she wanted to hear that laugh again, no matter how many badjokes she had to tell to get it out of her.

Time passed by so quickly, Eli hadn't noticed when she'd heard one more of Nozomi's laughs, two more, ten more. Before she knew it, she'd have to ride nonstop in order to make it back on time, and her horse wouldn't get much rest before they'd need to leave. Somehow, she had felt as though she could stay there forever and wouldn't have minded how late it got.

But duties came first, of course.

She stood and smiled. "Thanks for having me, Nozomi. I know it can be a bit of a hassle when I show up out of nowhere." She scratched beneath her ponytail.

"Oh, no," Nozomi shook her head, "you're never a hassle, Elicchi. I'm glad I get to spend some time with you before you leave again. You'd better stop by as soon as you get back, though."

Eli stepped through the door as Nozomi opened it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, conceding to—no, she wasn't conceding to anything. She was happy to be considered Nozomi's friend, and that was it.

She was happy, and she was sure Nozomi was happy too.

"Definitely. Wouldn't miss you for the world." With that, she stepped off her porch, carrying the basket of vulneraries Nozomi had given her. She turned around twice to glance at Nozomi, offering a reassuring wave before continuing. Giving a salute, Eli caught her heel on a root and fell over. Nozomi snorted behind her hand and clutched the doorknob as an anchor, only taking her eyes off Eli once she had recovered and disappeared from view.

The forest was quiet once more.

 _Hm._

Nozomi wondered, curiously, how a handful of wildflowers managed to land in a small bush outside on her porch.

"You must be lonely," she said, twirling one of the crushed stems in her hand, "so far away from your field."

* * *

A/N: i hope you enjoyed this self-indulgent fire emblem au nozoeli. it's a little short than my other work, but i think the length fits.

some behind-the-making-of notes because i want to.

nozomi's research partially inspired by brilliant shadows, because who doesn't wanna reanimate a plant?

as for nozomi's magical ability, i decided to take a different approach from the typical "staff/tome" usage. in fire emblem gaiden, magic was cast by draining the user's hit points, and spells were learned on level-up instead of being cast via tomes. i thought this style of magic fit nozomi more, but other mages still use tomes and staves to cast. basically, in order to heal someone (or cast a fire/thunder/wind spell), she would have to sacrifice some of her own life energy to do it.

i also couldn't fit it into the story very well but yes, eli is a paladin. :3c


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